This is awesome
This is tricky
This is shit
I am shit
This might be okay
This is awesome
It's been 5 months since I started as self employed. And I'm terrified. And exited. Scared. An happy. I have all these mixed emotions on a daily basis but at the moment I feel like rubbish. I haven't painted for months (!) and the idea of me just being in my studio painting all day long doing nothing else? Well...that's not the case. There are so many other things to attend to - the business side - and it feels like I'm failing that part. I feel like I'm grasping at straws and nothing is working out. Now. That is not solely the truth but that's how I feel. (Being the impatient creature I am.)
- First of all I've just had two paintings in a group talent show at a gallery in Copenhagen.
- I have 4 paintings for sale in a shop - 1x1 textil og design in Århus, Denmark.
- I've made prints for a shop in Copenhagen - Kaktus København. You can read how that came about here.
- I've sold a few pieces through my shop.
Still I just feel like I'm spending more money than I make and I have no idea on how to turn that around? I search and read on the subject. I contact shops to see if they're interested in selling my new prints. And I'm really bad at selling myself. I don't like it. I'm also very poor at reaching out. I'm used to doing everything myself and I don't want to bother anybody...you know that feeling?
Anyway. I can't do anything else than being an artist. I am an artist. And I don't thrive when I'm not painting. So today is the first day in months that I'm gonna paint. I've set up studio at home. I like living with my work. For now.
It's taken me years to get here. To where I know that this is me. This is who I am. Having suffered from depressions since I was a teen figuring this out has been very helpful in my day to day life. So when my girlfriend and I decided to move in together and the fact that I inherited some money was when I felt like I had a break. A chance to start this adventure of being self employed. Those money don't last forever though and it's time for me to have an income. I find myself thinking about what kind of job I could take for some cash flow but this is exactly the place I don't need to be. Experience tells me that this is where life usually gets very tough on me. I need to focus on the part where I paint. This is how I live. I have been so sick from depression and its aftermath that I haven't been able to do any kind of work for years. Only paint. So I have to be very careful and take very good care of myself. I will figure this out. Life will work out for me. Now of to paint.